“If you don’t plug in your computer soon, it will hibernate automatically.”

I get this message quite often on my laptop and other variations of it on my Kindle and cell phone. Not at all sure why I get this message on my laptop since I typically stay in one central location when I’m on it at home (my couch, in my bottom-sized spot in front of the tv). I do know, however, why this message pops up so frequently on my cell phone and Kindle. I love the portability of those devices. I love being able to (attempt to) text as I walk to the kitchen or read in bed. Convenience is so awesome! But a weakened battery is the price I pay for my beloved convenience and portability.

As I was trying to get started writing tonight, this message almost immediately appeared, reminding me that I had used up most of my laptop’s energy reserve. I couldn’t help but make the comparison between my laptop’s energy reserve and my own. I’ve been home from open house for about an hour and a half (it’s currently 8:30 pm), and I feel my energy slipping away quickly. During the school day, unless I’ve stayed up especially late, my energy level spikes during each block because I must stay on my toes with the bright children that I teach. My energy wanes a little immediately after school, though. Okay, so it’s more like I crash immediately after school. The feeling of euphoria dissipates, and I feel like I have absolutely no more to give.

I’m ready to go ASAP. But I usually have a meeting or some papers to at least push around before I can run away with a clear conscience. As much as I love teaching and just being around my rambunctious ruffians, I need more than just those things to keep myself energized. Aside from the obvious food, water, and sleep, there are two other necessities for my personal energy reserve that I think I’ve been deficient in during the last few months.

Personal Interaction

Okay, so I’ve mentioned that I’m an introvert, but no one believes me. I am, promise! Although I’m usually pretty energetic at work, I really am pretty much a zombie by the time I get home. Introverts typically need time alone to recharge their batteries. We can, however, take it too far sometimes. Sometimes, it only takes a couple hours of alone time for me to feel better and refreshed, but I don’t capitalize on my fully charged battery enough. I think that in the interest of protecting my solitude, I’ve neglected the personal interaction so necessary for happiness. This is why I’m so thankful for my Friends with Benefits; they seem to really understand that I love them dearly, but still need a little solitude. When I was in college, it was much easier to force myself to be social because I had a roommate and friends down the hall who loved being around people and just being active in general. Once I started working, however, I started living for quiet nights and weekends instead of searching for something to keep me engaged with others and the community as I did in college. When my metaphorical batteries have been recharged, I really have to make more of an effort to either get out or just contact my loves more. I discovered over the break that I’m fine even just quietly being in the company of others. It seems that I’ve convinced myself that once my batteries are dead, it’s time to hang it up for the day, night, or weekend. Time to retrain myself, I think.

Time for Reflection

It may seem like with all this alone time I have on my hands that I would definitely be able to just sit and reflect and meditate for a bit. Not so. Sometimes I’m planning. Or grading. Or thinking about grading. Or napping. Or thinking about napping. The list of things I’m either doing or thinking about doing is exhaustive. However, beginning this blog has helped me realize just how little time I spend in deep thought or reflection. I have a good friend that I really don’t talk to often (gasp) simply because when we do, we talk for hours about things that have crossed (and floated out of) our minds at some point. I am not being dramatic. We will discuss random issues, things in the news, a conversation that someone’s cousin had with their nutritionist, everything for hours on end. And it’s awesome. But there are also points in these awesome conversations when one of us will get very quiet after the other person has pointed out something that should be painfully obvious about the topic at hand. During my moments of silence I’m wondering why I hadn’t thought of that interpretation of that song that I love. Or why it has just become clear that my inability to focus is probably a result of my constant over-stimulation. Taking the time to really think about the things that interest me or even nag at me is something that excites me, but I don’t do it often. It’s no wonder that I sometimes feel a little empty.

I’m giving a good bit of myself without taking the time to recharge. I can’t let my light dim as my mind and body go into eco mode to save energy. I’m (slowly) learning to take some time to discover and then do the things that make me feel like myself again.