I find myself scrolling through the albums on my phone often. Mostly because I’m attempting to zone out and forget about the bag of grading I have. This whole introspection thing is for the birds. Because…LONELY. SAD. IRRITATED. TIRED.  Sometimes, though, introspection actually reveals something about my nature and thought process. This time, while scrolling through the same old pictures and reflecting on occasions, I came across a pic from my most recent birthday weekend in April of last year. It’s of me and my ex. Yes, we continued talking loooong after we broke up. And yes, we attempted to fix something that I have long-suspected is beyond repair. But we tried. And I can honestly say that I have no regrets. Especially since my latest revelation that I’ve been going through detox and have been failing miserably.

See, I’ve been through detox before. My first love truly broke my 18-year-old heart and it took quite a while to recover. A very long time. I still find myself processing different aspects of our high school puppy love relationship, and I’ve reached the conclusion that I missed this man-boy (yeah, you read that right, and I was a woman-girl so oh well) so much because he was my friend and he disappeared. I shared aspects of my personality that no one else had seen. Such is the case now with the most recent ex. I think about how he would listen to my recaps of the books I read (way back when…when I actually read for pleasure and not for the kiddos). How he actually enjoyed me spoiling movies for him…and soon he started predicting endings with me. He knew about my fear of failure. He grew to understand why my parents and their opinion/approval is relevant to me on multiple levels. He enjoyed exploring new things. He enjoyed the comfort of just having a lazy Saturday…and Sunday sometimes lol. And I DO still think about the very disappointing times when he shut me out of the social aspect of his life. And how some of his activities took precedence twenty times too many. And how his jealousy prevented me from being open with him. And vice versa, actually.

My very long-winded point is: I really don’t know when this detox will be over! I halfway thought it was never coming, hence this post’s title. And like Dr. Dre’s ever-elusive comeback album, I’m a work in progress. Why rush greatness? Perhaps Detox is never coming. Dre has accomplished a lot since his last album…hell, SINGLE. Perhaps the time for Detox has come and gone, and no one noticed…even Dre. So as we go down this friendship road, I’m trying to pack these little memories up into their individual boxes and ship ‘em off somewhere. Anywhere but here. In the meantime, I’m also trying to find my version of Beats Headphones. You know, one of the primary reasons Dre doesn’t even NEED to finish Detox. His life is quite rich with what he currently has.